The Preposterous Rhinoceros

Sparks are flying!

2008-11-06T19:48:00.006-05:00

I've taken quite a hiatus from blogging and I can't say that it's all been for good reason. I can however, say that I have recently been getting acquainted with a new job and more importantly I have been getting in shape. (For real this time.) I've been using a site called SparkPeople that is absolutely fantastic. It's got tools for tracking your weight loss, calories, creating nutritional reports and best of all it's got loads of community support.

So far, I've lost 4 pounds so I'm pretty stoked about that. The downside?

Drinking eight 80z or more glasses of water a day + whatever other beverages makes one have to urinate like a 4 year old.

Alright I'll stop complaining and enjoy my pants fitting better while you visit and see if you like SparkPeople!

Curly vs. Straight: Who wins in the Work Place?

2008-08-16T22:41:00.008-04:00

This week I wore my hair straight up until Wednesday when I washed it out and left it curly.

I woke up Thursday morning with a gigantic curly "Afro" and had to fight the clock to pull it back into a bun for work.

At work, I met a ton of women with curly hair and felt like a traitor. I tried to let my curly girl hair fly on Friday but I wound up just pulling it back into a more controlled bun with more hair gel and less fly aways than on Thursday.

I plan to straighten it again tomorrow before I hit work on Monday because I just don't know what to do with it! I know there is nothing wrong with curly hair but until I find an acceptable professional curly "do", I'll be making love to my Tourmaline Flat Iron and Blow dryer for about an hour.

I read somewhere that people make the assumption that curly heads are wild and unruly and less professional than their sleeker less frizzy straight haired counterparts. Any opinions?

Anyone have any professional curly girl hairstyles for me? I've got a head full of tight, chin length and shorter, corkscrew curls that drink conditioner like it's Long Island Iced Tea.

I've read Loraine Massey's book "Curly Girl" already but I think someone needs to put out a book called "Curly Girl at work: How not to look like you stuck your finger in an electrical socket at your 9am meeting." HELP!

I finally got a job...Help me decorate my cubicle!

2008-08-16T21:11:00.006-04:00

So I know I haven't posted a blog in a while, but I finally got the job I've been pining for since April. I started this past Monday after a rigorous interview process (I had three in person, one phone interview, a background check and a drug screen) and tons of waiting around biting my nails.

I'll be working in client services making the most amount of money I've ever made in my entire life with more promised to come after I finally graduate college which they will pay for. Needless to say I am jumping for absolute joy.

I'll call the company "ABC." ABC has an awesome way of treating their "associates." I won't bore you with mundane details but I just want to say I can access the Internet (except social networking sites which includes blogger ...boo!) at any time at my desk. I should also mention that my cubicle is sick.

It's huge and I'm thinking about totally decking it out. Kinda like "pimp my cubicle" style. Here are some decorated cubicles and office supplies I love:

I haven't read Kelley Moore's "Cube Chic" yet but the cover is enough to at least make me want to buy a small bamboo plant for my desk. You can buy it here at Amazon.com.

This is another look from Moore's book called "CEO Cube." It's my absolute favorite and I will be modeling my cubicle after it. My space will definitely stick out once I cover the grey walls in fabric. No one in my row does anything but put up pictures except for the guy who has a fish tank at his desk.

I was also thinking of using my over head space as a pseudo bookshelf. All in all my framed awards and sharp black and white photos coupled with an overall professional vibe will make me shine in the workplace.

Since I hate working with numbers and a large portion of my new job involves that, this Heart calculator by The Spoon Sisters, would make my day just a little bit sweeter.
These "I Love the Office" stickers rock! My favorite is "I Love Overtime," since I will be working lots of it to save up for the incredibly expensive wedding I am basically bankrolling.

-Stickers also by The Spoon Sisters - Check em out here

Last but not least, I want this rear view computer mirror. I gotta see what's behind me. Surprises at work can be tricky.

-Go here for eyes in the back of your head - brought to you by The Spoon Sisters

Good surprise: the power generator failed during the blackout so you get to go home. Yea!

Bad surprise: Your boss is standing behind you while you are instant messaging a co-worker about how you want to shoot your brains out because you are hung over and drank way too many Patron shots last night. Boo!

Do any of you have cool cubicle/office ideas? Let me know!

Mutya Buena - B Boy Baby - Ft Amy Winehouse

2008-08-08T10:56:00.003-04:00

In February, Mutya Buena was dropped by her record label due to poor sales and charting positions from her last two singles, including this track.

I love this track. This track was originally supposed to be for Amy Winehouse which explains why you hear her singing the chorus. Amy changed her mind for some reason and they offered the track to Mutya Buena (Mutya= Pear or Muse in her native Tagalog Buena=Good). The producer asked to leave Amy's vocals in for the finished product and I'm happy they did. Check it out.

Virginia Sin Ain't Whistling Dixie

2008-08-05T00:27:00.005-04:00

Tired of greasy plates that buckle every time you try to load your BBQ onto 'em?

Try a sturdier kind, and I'm not talking about Dixie or Hefty either.

Virginia Sin of Passionately Curious was too, so she took matters into her own hands and created dishwasher - safe plates from recycled paper pulp and porcelain.

Cons: You can throw these out and avoid doing the dishes but that would be stupid and costly. They are way too awesome to toss away.

Pros: They are too awesome to throw away! Plus they are totally Eco-friendly as they are "upcycled" or created from discards and scraps that normally would have been junked; can be used over and over.

Clearly, the pros outweigh the cons. Plus it will be fun confusing your guests who will be doing double takes at your "china."

Go green in quirky, minimalist style!

From $35; passionatelycurious.net

Year of The Rat

2008-08-04T02:25:00.006-04:00

Marc Jacob's "mouse flats" inspired this set which I created in honor of 2008 which is the Year of the Rat (Can I just say Year of the cute and totally harmless and disease-free little baby mouse?).

Here's what Wikipedia had to say about the Year of the Rat:

The Rat (鼠) was welcomed in ancient times as a protector and bringer of material prosperity. It is an animal associated with aggression, wealth, charm, and order, yet also associated with death, war, the occult, pestilence, and atrocities.

In the Chinese Zodiac, the Year of the Rat is associated with the earthly branch symbol 子. In some parts of the world, a year associated with this animal 鼠 is referred to as Year of the Mouse because the word may be translated to "rat", "mouse", or more broadly, "rodent".

(From: Wikipedia )

Now make like Mickey,Mighty, Fievel and Danger / Danger and get that cheese.

Adult Swim Has Officially Made Love to my Eardrums

2008-07-31T16:28:00.013-04:00

So I love Adult Swim. Maybe it's the genius, joke filled "bumps" they air during commercial breaks. Maybe I'm just a cartoon loving geek.

Adult Swim has always had an awesome program line up featuring shows like Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Bleach, Voltron, Space Ghost Coast to Coast, and my favorite, Robot Chicken.

They once renamed the network "crappy 1980's live action TV show network" and proceeded to air eight episodes of Saved by the Bell over the course of two weeks in response to a post on adultswim.com.

Now that's funny. Not only is it funny, but it's great marketing. Every time I've watched since, I find myself thinking "gotta check out that website."

After spending most of today repeatedly checking my inbox to see if I got an email from a company I'll call "ABC," confirming my future employment with them, I decided that I needed to chill the hell out and check out the site before I chewed my freaking nails off.

The site is a pure sensory overload, but I decided to start in the games section. After playing "5minutes to kill (yourself)" till I finally did, I decided to check out the music section.

Simply captioned "Put these in your earholes," the section consists of diverse compilations of music ranging from hip hop, trip hop to indie rock. What's the best thing you ask?

It's all compiled on ready to play track listings that you can listen to and embed on your blog or Myspace page.

The cover art is sick and the players match the compilations making for some refreshing eye-candy as well.

On top of that, everything is awesome and everything is underground.

Adult Swim teamed up with the Ghostly International record label to create my personal fave, Ghostly Swim, described by the label as

"A genre-busting 19-song collection...[which] explores the Avant-Pop style that the Ann Arbor/New York City label has been been championing for the past 9 years. Ghostly Swim features artists like Matthew Dear, Dabrye, Tycho and Aeroc and features new signings like UK cult band The Chap and NYC producer Michna... School Of Seven Bells, and Detroit’s Deastro, Milosh (Plug Research), FLYamSAM (Warp’s Flying Lotus and SAMIYAM), and Dark Party (Mush). Along with the new music, BoyCatBird (Ghostly’s mascots) make their animated debut in the awesome “City Suckers” video by Daniel Garcia/Superfi."

Click to check it out here.

Under the Radar: Natalia Clavier

2008-07-30T13:52:00.005-04:00

You should check out Natalia Clavier's debut album Nectar. Why you ask? Because it's pretty damn good.

According to Latina magazine, Clavier "used to sing cheesy Euro techno-pop 'to pay the rent,' but now she's found her sound."

Her sound is a mix of Argentina's native tango and sexy electronica.
Check out this you tube video of my favorite track "El Arbol" ("The Tree" for all my Spanish language impaired people.)

The Face of Lace

2008-07-28T17:12:00.005-04:00

Call me a racy, call me Lacy! This fall lace is on everything from bedroom attire to shoes and I am so loving it.

Maybe it's because I'm planning my wedding but I can't help how overly excited I get when I see it. The fabric can mean so many things, depending on how it's worn.

Maybe lace just reminds you of your sweet old grandma. Or your nasty jerk grandma, either or.

Could it be the virginal white lace of a glove you crave?

Still, nothing says bombshell like an inky, lace frock.

I think I love lace because it has as many personalities as I do.

Clockwise from top right: Tadashi's black lace v-neck detail taffeta gown; Christian Louboutin's black satin lace 'Vanitarita' pumps; Marcal Wander's crocheted cotton and epoxy resin chair; Stuart Weitzman's Lace "Lingerie" pumps; Xtrax's "Lace Flower" parasol with lace overlay;Kirby Linen Rental's "Eden Lace" (used as panel);Marc by Marc Jacobs' Mia lace dress;Garment District's lace face mask

Polyvore set created by me - inspired by W magazine spread

Happy National Tequila Day!

2008-07-24T16:31:00.006-04:00

July 24Th is National Tequila Day! Let's celebrate with a poem by Randall Mann.

Last Call

A giant bird-
of-paradise
has climbed the bar:
in this paradise
there are no flowers,
no flowers at all.
When Happy Hour
becomes Last Call—
Adam in drag
our royalty—
we buy her gin
for eternity
(an unseen deejay
scores the years
with pulsing music
of the spheres).
Now the queen has gone,
gone again
in search of love,
in search of sin.
It’s closing time.
You were not at fault.
I drain my glass
and lick the salt.

Now you can say you vomited on your shoes and read a poem by a 2003 Kenyon Review Prize in Poetry winner! You are soooo multi-tasking today.

Poet on the Scene:Carlos Andres Gomez to present new double album

2008-07-23T04:27:00.009-04:00

I just received an email from Michael Rosen of the Bowery Poetry Club tipping me off to an awesome event that I plan to hike my ass all the way from NJ to see.

Check out the press release:

*Carlos Gomez Grabs “Fate by the Throat” at Bowery Poetry Club*

Bowery Poetry Club presents the release of renowned spoken word artist/slam poet Carlos Andres Gomez’s new double album, “Fate by the Throat”. *August 23* at 7:00 PM, Bowery Poetry Club (308 Bowery between Houston and Bleecker; /F train to //2nd Ave//, 6 to Bleecker), /$12

Gomez, a stand-out, acclaimed poet on both the New York City slam scene as well as the national college circuit, has been featured on HBO’s Def Poetry Jam and played a prominent role in Spike Lee’s “Inside Man” alongside Denzel Washington and Clive Owen.

He will be giving a full-length, feature performance of his work-to-date including material from “Fate by the Throat,” his sophomore album which includes both studio and live cuts of over 20 new poems.

Hosting between 20 and 30 shows a week the Bowery Poetry Club (BPC) is proud of our place in the lineage of populist art: the Yiddish theater, burlesque, vaudeville, beat poetry, jazz, and punk that gave the Bowery its name. Located in “HoBo” at the corner of Houston and Bowery.

For more information please go to bowerypoetry.com

Below is footage of Gomez on HBO's Def Poetry Jam performing "What's Genocide"

You can check out his website here: http://www.carloslive.com/

I know, I know. You can thank me later for turning you on to this shit.

Skinny Bitch: This book makes me feel like I'm on crazy pills

2008-07-23T03:20:00.006-04:00

Last year I bought this book with the intention that I would become what the title suggests.

Maybe I'd go a little easy on the "bitch" part of it.

Maybe not.

It didn't work out and I left the book to rot on my bookshelf.

I cracked it open again yesterday to see if maybe I read it wrong the first time. Nope, same old bullshit.

The book is like a really hot chick who all the guys are intrigued by until she opens her mouth to reveal she is a freaky nut job. The reaction is the same as well: Avoid eye contact and bolt like a bat outta hell!

When I started to crack the book open the first time, I grew excited at the thought of "skinny" things like itty-bitty bikinis, tiny Marc Jacobs dresses, skinny jeans,ordering water with lemon in it instead of a chocolate milkshake and those really big shades the Olson Twins always wear.

OK so maybe I'm glad this book was written in the Twilight Zone.

This book is nothing but demeaning insults and vegan propaganda from start to finish. The tone is flippant and the content is misleading.

So here's the book in a nutshell:

"Wanna look like a model? Of course you do you lazy cow. Now get off your ass, exercise and don't eat any meat whatsoever. Or processed foods. Oh and no alcohol, caffeine, artificial sweeteners, dairy, meat or refined sugar. By the way you are terrible for eating meat and here is why...Here is a list of unaffordable foods you can only buy at Whole Foods. Maybe. OK so you should totally be a model by now."

Now I'm all for saving animals. I have two cats that I actually talk to and treat like children. I once watched a PETA video on the horrors of chickens and cows going to slaughter. I didn't eat meat for an entire week.

In the end, I love meat and had to get my protein on. I can't help it that I'm a steak and potatoes kinda gal. Do I agree with the methods of how my Big Mac gets on my plate? No. Would I eat free-range animals if they were offered? Yes. Am I human? Yes.

Furthermore, did I purchase a book for $14 dollars entitled "Skinny Bitch" expecting to be lectured about my carnivorous ways on the sneak tip? Hell nah.

Needless to say, I've been shedding some pounds the good old fashion way. Hard drugs. No really, I owe it all to exercise and eating proper portions.

Maybe I'll never be a "Skinny Bitch," but I'll also never be a psychotic, vegan, zealot either so I guess it all balances out right?

(BTW, no offense to vegans/vegetarians/fruitarians who aren't insane. I respect your lifestyle choice. I've tried soy chicken nuggets. They were yummy. I've had a garden burger or two in my day. I'm just not ready to try tofurky though. Wheat gluten and tufu can't excite me like a thanksgiving bird can.)

Visit the Skinny Bitch website, and feel the crazy for yourself.

The Arcade Claw and its Tragic Flaw

2008-07-23T02:29:00.005-04:00

I'm writing this post for all of you who have or plan to to play the "arcade claw" game this summer.

Me? Oh I already lost all my rent money to it back in March. Yes I said March.

Queue flashback sequence.

See the fiance and I were bored and didn't have much cash so we decided to take a drive "down the shore" and just kick it.

Although we had fun frequenting my beloved "Wa Wa" convenience mart for the necessary junk, not much else was poppin'.

Picture the tumbleweeds in your mind as we jumped out of our truck and made our way towards the boardwalk.

After being coerced by desperate boardwalk carnies to play that stupid game where you pop balloons to get a prize, we decided to move on to the arcade.

It is there that we were determined to win an iPhone out of the arcade claw machine. Neither of us actually care to own an iPhone. We just want to sell it to you on EBay. Wink.

Needless to say after $60 dollars spent, our efforts were fruitless and we could do nothing except kick the machine and go get an overpriced bite to eat. Still, we had fun.

But it would have been more fun had I seen this before I went!

Damn that yellow box to hell I say!

Good Foot says Goodbye?

2008-07-21T15:31:00.005-04:00

A year and a half ago, I submitted some poetry to one of my favorite publications: good foot poetry magazine.

A professor (Carmine Simmons), who taught me some of the best things I know about literature and poetry is (was?) an editor for the mag.

Ever since I picked up one of the journals for myself, I have wanted to see my poetry in it.

I received a rejection letter in the mail a couple of days ago letting me know that they can't accept my poems for publication at this time.

Normally, this wouldn't be such a sad thing for me. I have learned to embrace rejection. Sylvia Plath used to collect rejection slips and I'm thinking of following suit.

So what's the big deal? I tried to check out their website as I usually do, expecting to see the usual names and sample poems that have been published in the journal.

Instead, I saw in its place one of those sites that come up when you misspell a web address. You know, the ones that come up as a shitty white page that claim you can "find what you are looking for here" with "related searches" with links to magazine subscriptions, auto quotes and car insurance.

Confused, I checked to see that I had spelled http://www.goodfootmagazine.com/ correctly.

I had.

I then Googled them to no avail. All I found were online literary sites who linked to the good foot's old website.

I think I know what has happened. They ran out of funding. This is only speculation, but literary magazines come and go because its hard to fund them. They didn't charge for submissions and the journals were quite affordable.

Actually, when I saw this mag being sold in a bookstore I picked volumes 4 and 5 on separate occasions, hoping to do my part in funding for $8.00 a pop.

Perhaps in hind site I should have subscribed for the annual fee of $14.

The magazine was full of great poetry and photography and if it's truly gone then I hate to see it go. If it is gone, consider this a eulogy from someone who was truly touched by the work and the editors who made this magazine such a masterpiece.
If it's not gone and I'm just missing something, please let me know!

The Bees Aren't Alright: Colony Collapse Disorder

2008-07-15T13:45:00.007-04:00

Afternoon tea is a luxury that I afford myself sometimes. I don't usually spring for expensive or imported kinds. I usually just pick up a box of Lipton that I can have with a spot of milk or herbal flavored tea with honey.

It's the herbal that I like best and I usually spend an obnoxious amount of time looking for different varieties, like the Orange Blossom kind I just bought or the Clover type with it's mild delicate fruity flavor that finishes with a little bit of spice.

But imagine my surprise when I read an article in the latest Food & Wine magazine that had a snippet on the yet to be explained "Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD)." CCD is described as a sudden abandonment of beehives by the worker bee population .

Apiculturists (Beekeepers) were not alarmed at the disappearance until it became widespread in 2006. According to Food & Wine, "CCD affected roughly one-third of U.S. beehives last year." Some of the proposed causes include environmental change-related stresses,malnutrition,pathogens,mites,and pesticides.

Think this doesn't effect you? Wait until you try to drown your sorrows in a pint of Haagen-Dazs and you can't get your favorite flavor! CCD has Haagen-Dazs up in arms as they claim bees are actually responsible for 40% of its 60 flavors - such as strawberry, toasted pecan and banana split.

As per, Kathy Pien, brand director of Haagen Dazs, "the company is donating $250,000 to both Pennsylvania State University and the University of California, Davis to fund research into CCD," and is also launching a new flavor this spring called Vanilla Honey Bee to raise consumer awareness of the disease. Haagen-Dazs plans to use part of the sales from the flavor to help the honeybees.

DIY Beekeeping is becoming possible even in unlikely places like New York. Go to abfnet.org for more info on how you can help save the bees.

As for me, I'm going to vow to get over my fear of the flying maker of all things sweet. I've never been stung by a bee and so I've always freaked out when they were near but I promise not to lay a newspaper near any bee who carelessly wanders into my living room.

New Poetry: Emergency

2008-07-12T04:18:00.005-04:00

I started reading out of a folder that has many of my creative"works in progress" and I put together a piece of poetry developed out of an old unfinished poem I wrote on a scrap of paper some years ago and a couple of different lines I wrote for writing exercises. Let me know what you think:

Emergency

In case of an emergency,
I scan people on the train car.
The beggar there; the screaming child,
may meet with me again some day.
I might need to know those faces.

Once, I heard that God cast extras
in the feature film we call Life.
They are the constants in your day,
out of focus, as you listen
to music, voiding your mind numb.

One day, it will all go quiet.
The mouths will gape open and sound
like scratched record vinyl jumping
back with a heavy pop, until
there is just crackling in the dark.

Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward are: She and Him

2008-07-09T01:35:00.010-04:00

OK so get this...back on March 18th, God came down from heaven and said "Zooey Dechanel and M.Ward will release their new album under the moniker "She and Him" and it will be the sweetest little album since the likes of 'Pet Sounds'.

No really it went something like this:

Matt Ward who goes by his stage name M.Ward was an unknown artist musician who no one really ever heard of and then he made it big yadda yadda. He went on to guest on albums with Jenny Lewis, Bright Eyes, My Morning Jacket, and Bruce Springstein.

Enter stage left, actress, Zooey Deschanel (‘Bridge To Terabithia’, ‘Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy’,'Elf'')
Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward meet when working on a movie soundtrack project in which they recorded a version of Richard and Linda Thompson’s “When I Get To The Border”and clicked as they realized how talented they were. While talking about their mutual love of old records, Zooey mentioned that she wrote her own songs, which she recorded alone at home on her computer. Zooey was weary at first but soon enough she gave in and sent her music to M. who was immediately impressed and used the recordings as a basis for 'Volume One".

When I saw the girl in Elf, I knew she had some serious pipes on her.

All in all, there are nine originals written by Zooey and two gorgeous cover versions. Track listing is as follows:
01. Sentimental Heart
02. Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?
03. This Is Not A Test
04. Change Is Hard
05. I Thought I Saw Your Face Today
06. Take It Back
07. I Was Made For You
08. You Really Got A Hold On Me
09. Black Hole
10. Got Me
11. I Should Have Known Better
12. Sweet Darlin’

Here's the cover still and track for "Thought I Saw Your Face Today"

Give me More Polyvore!

2008-07-08T22:21:00.006-04:00

For the last three hours, I have been glued to my computer chair, and although I had a whole to-do list of thins I wanted to get accomplished, I have been screwing around on the same website for all that time.

What's the website you implore? Polyvore.com

How I landed there I have no idea honestly. I can only tell you that it was through the process of clicking on one page only to click on another link on said page and so on and so on like Alice down the world wide wabbit hole.

What is Polyvore? I like to call it fashion porn. OK, so that's not very informative is it?

Here's what Polyvore's about us page says:

"Polyvore is a unique, easy-to-use web-based application for mixing and matching products from any online store. Items are pulled together into a visual set of products that can be shared with anyone. Each product within the set is then linked back to the online store where it is available for purchase."

Like I said. Fashion porn.

Right off the bat I can think of like a bazillion things this can be good for. Searches can be performed for specific items,color schemes,and brands not to mention that you can upload images from your own computer. Snooty artist types and 13 year old American idol fans alike will love creating their own masterpieces in collage form.

Into fashion? Polyvore. Label whore? Polyvore. Artistic? Polyvore. Rich and need help spending all that cash? Polyvore. Broke but have a dream? Polyvore. Broke but wanna buy a Fendi lookalike at Target? Polyvore!

Wow I so sound like that annoying guy that screams all of his infomercials for crap at three in the morning.

So I did do something productive! Check out my Bombshell goes to...series. Road-tested outfits for different occasions inspired by Laren Stover and the bombshells we love!

I give you...

Bombshell Goes to a Baby Shower

and

Bombshell Goes on a South Seas Cruise

Let me know what you think!

"Promise her anything, but give her Arpege"

2008-07-04T03:02:00.005-04:00

Yesterday I was bored and in the mood to do something stupid so I decided to rearrange the shelves in my bathroom and dedicate one specifically for my perfumes.

I was really bored.

I usually like to store them in a drawer or refrigerator (really the fridge is the best place to store fragrances as they are kept fresh) but I like the visual gratification of seeing the bottles outright.

So after everything was set out, I picked up my golden little decanter of Lanvin's Arpage and dabbed a little on my neck. Honestly I was put off by scents like this when I was younger but that's probably because I was dousing myself in Cool Water back in the day. This right here...well this is a woman's scent and it takes a little practice.

"Promise her anything, but give her Arpege" was the sultry slogan for Lanvin's luxe and scintilating fragrance. Created in 1927 by Jeanne Lanvin for her musician daughter Marie-Blanche, Lanvin's little one named it after the term "Arpeggio" which is the musical term for a quick succession of notes as opposed to notes played all together.

When I haven't worn the fragrance in a while, it always confuses me a little bit because of it's complexity. Really, it is this layering of scents that catches you off guard, lures them you and then kisses you on the lips. The rose hits you first and then the jasmine followed up by musk which makes the fragrance warm and inviting like sweet brandy.

Ironically, after dabbing on this amber gem again before bed in the wee morning hours of July 4th, I happened to read that Jeanne Lanvin died only two days from today on July 6th, 1946.

Sheer coincidence of eerie bombshell premonition? It's too soon to tell.

All I know is that for a girl who hates cold weather I'm strangely craving long gloves, rich opulent fabrics, evening gowns and crystal chandeliers.

If you're Foxy and you know it, Cop This Book...

2008-07-02T23:57:00.007-04:00

If you're foxy and you know it and you really want to show it...if your foxy and you know it cop this book...

Seriously, I bought this book just about five years ago I think and I swear this is about the 30Th time I have read the damn thing from cover to cover.

I've read it in bed. I've read it in class. I've read it at work. I've read it on the beach. I've read it at the salon. I've read it at the gym. I've read it on a plane. I've read it to friends and had to fight to get it back. Not to get all Dr.Seuss on you little pets, but I made my own goddamn bombshell bookmark for this thing.

Hands down, this is the most adorable, historical style compilation of the bombshell known to man. This book actually comes off as less of an actual manual but more of a bombshell lifestyle guide.

I'm not going to lie, there are some things that can be a little bit unrealistic for us non-famous bombshells, but as Lauren Stover writes in the chapter entitled "What Makes a Bombshell Tick," 'A Bombshell Believes in Her Fantasies...Even if her bracelet is dime-store cheap, she wears it as though it were Cartier."

WORD.

A Bombshell needs to entertain sometimes right? How about catering your own party by preparing simple recipes. Serve drinks and prepare cute stuff like "Strawberries Liberte" and "Caviar Dip Extravaganza" (ask your friends to potluck the Lobster and Beef Wellington). Then you have more time to amuse your guests with bombshell isms. Va Va Voom!

If you: love Brigitte Bardot, Jean Harlow, Rita Hayworth, Veronica Lake, Sophia Loren, Jayne Mansfield, Marilyn Monroe, Kim Novak, Lana Turner, modern day Bombshells or any other bombshells I can't think of right now,are a makeup junkie, have absolutely no domestic prowess (or would like to fake it like you don't), still cry when you watch Bambi, are an all around bombshell aficionado, a vixen of any kind, you will at least find this book charming and refreshing.

Buy it for yourself or for a bombshell you know who will break out the champagne and potato chips to celebrate. On the real, it's better then buying a stupid diet book.

Poez's "The Monotone" Illustrated

2008-06-26T00:12:00.008-04:00

I was wandering around the web when I lucked into finding this vid of poet Poez's spoken word piece "The Monotone" which I find both lovely and haunting.
Paul Mills a.k.a "Poez" is a New York City based spoken word/performance poet who started performing poetry in Boston and New York in 1976. Poez retired from the world of poetry for about 20 years but has recently started performing again. He frequents the Bowery Poetry Club regularly. Yippee!

You can check his website out here.

NYC Observation

2008-06-18T00:17:00.003-04:00

So I went to go see the Yankees rip the Padres a new hole tonight. Anyway, this guy was waiting outside the stadium. Apparently he was a Padres fan.

Oops I'm a go, Nails like whoa

2008-06-16T23:01:00.011-04:00

Everybody knows you gotta keep the nail game strong, but when you are an ADD nail-biter like me its hard to keep your head from exploding at the nail salon. I hate walking into a packed salon and not being able to do anything but either sit or waddle for at least an hour.

I'd rather pop into Rite Aid, a random beauty supply store, hell Shop Rite for that matter, and get me a pack of glue on jump offs!

Now I know some of you are hatin' right now but don't knock it till you try it. I like my nails flashy-n-classy but they have a little something for everybody. I usually use "Kiss" or "Revlon" brand because of the quality but "Fingrs" always has that little bit of pizzaz that says "Alas, I am still an avid fan of Jem."

If you are a little more adventurous/creative, you can create your own personal masterpiece set with clear nails that can be filed down or left long and painted. They usually come in a huge set which allows for more uses then pre-painted/filed sets.

This nail glue came with the prepainted set and works ok but I prefer a stronger glue made by "Revlon" or "Kiss". They come in squat little jars rather then thin tubes and are usually a stronger hold so you don't have to be afraid of your nail popping off in the swimming pool or in that hot guy's hair.

Three essentials for nail creation: Acetone, Cottonballs and Nail Quick Dry Spray. Because you will screw up and you will wish that shit would dry faster. My spray smells like baby powder...ahhh

I also like to keep a couple of cheap files around as well as a cuticle trimmer and pusher so it doesn't look scragly and half ass.

Here are a couple of polishes I use. They rock.

So please...don't tell me your broke, can't stand being in public spaces for long periods of time without your paxil or don't like to tip. Head down to the store, pick yourself up a package of glue ons (not those weird tab thingys) and step up your nail game before I buy up all the damm nails in the place.

Can Pluto get some respect?

2008-06-11T19:30:00.010-04:00

For all of you who are still fucked up about Pluto no longer being considered a planet, this ones for you.

As per the International Astronomical Union, all similar distant bodies in the solar system will be called "plutoids" from now on. The union made the official announcement of the decision on Wednesday after they met in Norway.

The group demoted what was once the ninth planet to "dwarf" status in 2006 but the new policy allows Pluto to be the standard for a whole new category of what are presently being called "dwarf planets".

Pluto and another dwarf Eris are the only two in the new catagory. Dwarf planets have to circle the sun but be too small to be considered planets yet be big enough to have a level of gravity that keeps them in a near spherical shape. Plutoids also must be farther from the sun than Neptune.

The discovery of Eris in 2003 is what got Pluto demoted but astronomers expect more plutoids to be discovered in the future.

The union's first choice for the catagory was pluton but that name was already used by geologists so they scrapped that and dubbed it plutoid.

The astronomers' action makes Pluto more important says IAU president Catherine Cesarsky, a French astrophysicist. Instead of being a "puny" outer planet, Pluto is now a "prototype of a new type of fascinating objects," she said.

Alan Stern who advocates Pluto-as-a-planet and is a former NASA space sciences chief and principal investigator on a mission to Pluto was not pleased and implied that a rival group could be formed to the IAU, which he said was too secretive in its decision-making.

"It's just some people in a smoke-filled room who dreamed it up," Stern said. "Plutoids or hemorrhoids, whatever they call it. This is irrelevant."

Ok so that rhyme we all said to memorize our solar system is a little different now: My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine ~~Pies.~~

Solar system=Planets 8, Plutoids 2. Read more about it here.

Luniz's Numskull not the brightest crayon in the box

2008-06-10T08:14:00.009-04:00

So check it. As per TMZ, Rapper Numskull A.K.A Garrick Demond Husbands has been charged with twelve counts of felony. Come on, remember the rap group Luniz? He was half of it. Anyway, according to Alameda County Superior Court documents, Husbands was charged with twelve felony counts of assault, that include shocking charges of sodomy, corporal injury and possession of a firearm. No comments have been made from Numskull's camp. Numskull was slated to release a new album called "It's Numworld" which was slated to drop June 26th of this year. Luniz became famous with the hit, "I Got 5 on It" which became a certified platinum single in 1995. Let's hope Numskull and his crew have more than 5 on a lawyer! Check the full story out here at TMZ.

Everybody put in in your 5 and cop this on Digital Gravel.

Jersey City how do I love thee...

2008-06-09T16:43:00.032-04:00

This past Saturday, my boyfriend and I abandoned Newark's annual Portuguese feast for a trip to Jersey City. We were tired of the usual drunken chaos and more importantly we were broke and couldn't afford to piss away money on beer and sausage sandwiches.
We decided to get out and get some sun at Liberty State Park, Jersey City's "free, green and non-commercial, urban waterfront oasis" which is kept that way by the friends of LSP apparently.
We wound up taking a little tour though "The Heights" and the surrounding areas I called home for 18 years of my life.

That's how it usually starts once I'm in Jersey City's vicinity. A trip to the mall. A train ride into the city. A visit to my dad's house. Whatever it is that I'm doing usually gets derailed for a couple of moments while I reminisce over my part of "The Sixth Borough".

John and I laced up our kicks and jumped out of the Trailblazer to enjoy the blazing hot summer weather and soon as my feet hit the floor I knew I hadn't put on enough sunblock. It was around 4:00pm and the park was in full effect with people everywhere barbecuing and making mountains of food. One family had five metal chafing dishes on sternos heaping with food and four grills all smoking with fervor. The sound of Lil' Wayne's "Lollipop" filled the air. Ahhh summer in J.C.

Our aim was to walk along the long path that faces Ellis Island but John's foot was developing a blister and we were both about to pass out from heat stroke so we just got back in the car headed for Harrison. We were making our way through J.C's Greenville section when I suggested the ride up to "The Heights".

The gentrification that is so apparent on Jersey City's waterfront hasn't spread to other parts of the city just yet and so it's still the city that I remember which both comforts and upsets me. The first time I saw the new "Harborside Financial Center" and "Harismus Cove" I nearly keeled over in shock.

In one hand I welcome it's freshness. I can't fault new residents for being attracted to the waterfront after it's makeover. Residents see Jersey City as a new Williamsburg with lively, edgy neighborhoods and easy access to Manhattan. On the other hand, I feel as if it's not really Jersey City anymore over there.

I've never been one against change but in the "bad old days" everyone I knew would laugh in your face if you said Jersey City was a new Manhattan. Cool artists, yes. Bad ass music scene, no doubt. Urban underground, you betcha. Hipster haven? Not so much. I mean it just feels so right yet so wrong.

I guess that's why it's refreshing to go back to my old stomping grounds just to see what's good. The old place looks like a fucking wreck. I mean who's idea was it to paint my old apartment building on 44 Beacon burgundy?! More people have moved to the block but other than that everything is the same. All the buildings look shorter in a way and I have to wonder if that's because of my perspective when I was living there. All in all, It's good to go back to the old hood once and a while so I don't ever forget where I came from, what I am and what I have become.

First things first: The Debut of The Preposterous Rhinoceros

2008-06-06T21:38:00.007-04:00

There has to be a first for everything right?

Toddlers go from crawling around helplessly to taking wobbly, "domo arigato, Mr. Roboto" first steps. Six year olds attend their first day of the first grade only to find out that nap time has mysteriously been 86ed (seriously wtf is up with that?). First fights and first kisses are rites of passage that awaken feelings of trepidation and bliss in the hearts of sucker ass corn balls and dope bombshells alike.
“Firsts” are both exciting and agonizing and we never forget them because they force us into unfamiliar situations where we have to gain our footing to avoid looking like jack asses.
That being said, I generally try not to look like a jack ass if it’s at all possible so I hope the following mission statement doesn’t suck:

The Preposterous Rhinoceros is a collective blog comprised of audacious, unique and interesting concepts expressed through art, literature, fiction, poetry, essays, film, fashion, and other forward-thinking, bad-ass ideas and media. Finally, all the cool kids officially have a place to kick it.

I hope to bring all things new, fresh and enlightening to your door step.