Skinny Bitch: This book makes me feel like I'm on crazy pills

Sphere: Related Content Last year I bought this book with the intention that I would become what the title suggests.

Maybe I'd go a little easy on the "bitch" part of it.

Maybe not.

It didn't work out and I left the book to rot on my bookshelf.

I cracked it open again yesterday to see if maybe I read it wrong the first time. Nope, same old bullshit.

The book is like a really hot chick who all the guys are intrigued by until she opens her mouth to reveal she is a freaky nut job. The reaction is the same as well: Avoid eye contact and bolt like a bat outta hell!

When I started to crack the book open the first time, I grew excited at the thought of "skinny" things like itty-bitty bikinis, tiny Marc Jacobs dresses, skinny jeans,ordering water with lemon in it instead of a chocolate milkshake and those really big shades the Olson Twins always wear.

OK so maybe I'm glad this book was written in the Twilight Zone.

This book is nothing but demeaning insults and vegan propaganda from start to finish. The tone is flippant and the content is misleading.

So here's the book in a nutshell:

"Wanna look like a model? Of course you do you lazy cow. Now get off your ass, exercise and don't eat any meat whatsoever. Or processed foods. Oh and no alcohol, caffeine, artificial sweeteners, dairy, meat or refined sugar. By the way you are terrible for eating meat and here is why...Here is a list of unaffordable foods you can only buy at Whole Foods. Maybe. OK so you should totally be a model by now."


Now I'm all for saving animals. I have two cats that I actually talk to and treat like children. I once watched a PETA video on the horrors of chickens and cows going to slaughter. I didn't eat meat for an entire week.

In the end, I love meat and had to get my protein on. I can't help it that I'm a steak and potatoes kinda gal. Do I agree with the methods of how my Big Mac gets on my plate? No. Would I eat free-range animals if they were offered? Yes. Am I human? Yes.

Furthermore, did I purchase a book for $14 dollars entitled "Skinny Bitch" expecting to be lectured about my carnivorous ways on the sneak tip? Hell nah.

Needless to say, I've been shedding some pounds the good old fashion way. Hard drugs. No really, I owe it all to exercise and eating proper portions.

Maybe I'll never be a "Skinny Bitch," but I'll also never be a psychotic, vegan, zealot either so I guess it all balances out right?

(BTW, no offense to vegans/vegetarians/fruitarians who aren't insane. I respect your lifestyle choice. I've tried soy chicken nuggets. They were yummy. I've had a garden burger or two in my day. I'm just not ready to try tofurky though. Wheat gluten and tufu can't excite me like a thanksgiving bird can.)

Visit the Skinny Bitch website, and feel the crazy for yourself.

The Arcade Claw and its Tragic Flaw

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I'm writing this post for all of you who have or plan to to play the "arcade claw" game this summer.

Me? Oh I already lost all my rent money to it back in March. Yes I said March.

Queue flashback sequence.

See the fiance and I were bored and didn't have much cash so we decided to take a drive "down the shore" and just kick it.

Although we had fun frequenting my beloved "Wa Wa" convenience mart for the necessary junk, not much else was poppin'.

Picture the tumbleweeds in your mind as we jumped out of our truck and made our way towards the boardwalk.

After being coerced by desperate boardwalk carnies to play that stupid game where you pop balloons to get a prize, we decided to move on to the arcade.

It is there that we were determined to win an iPhone out of the arcade claw machine. Neither of us actually care to own an iPhone. We just want to sell it to you on EBay. Wink.

Needless to say after $60 dollars spent, our efforts were fruitless and we could do nothing except kick the machine and go get an overpriced bite to eat. Still, we had fun.

But it would have been more fun had I seen this before I went!



Damn that yellow box to hell I say!

Good Foot says Goodbye?

Sphere: Related Content A year and a half ago, I submitted some poetry to one of my favorite publications: good foot poetry magazine.

A professor (Carmine Simmons), who taught me some of the best things I know about literature and poetry is (was?) an editor for the mag.

Ever since I picked up one of the journals for myself, I have wanted to see my poetry in it.

I received a rejection letter in the mail a couple of days ago letting me know that they can't accept my poems for publication at this time.

Normally, this wouldn't be such a sad thing for me. I have learned to embrace rejection. Sylvia Plath used to collect rejection slips and I'm thinking of following suit.

So what's the big deal? I tried to check out their website as I usually do, expecting to see the usual names and sample poems that have been published in the journal.

Instead, I saw in its place one of those sites that come up when you misspell a web address. You know, the ones that come up as a shitty white page that claim you can "find what you are looking for here" with "related searches" with links to magazine subscriptions, auto quotes and car insurance.

Confused, I checked to see that I had spelled http://www.goodfootmagazine.com/ correctly.

I had.

I then Googled them to no avail. All I found were online literary sites who linked to the good foot's old website.

I think I know what has happened. They ran out of funding. This is only speculation, but literary magazines come and go because its hard to fund them. They didn't charge for submissions and the journals were quite affordable.

Actually, when I saw this mag being sold in a bookstore I picked volumes 4 and 5 on separate occasions, hoping to do my part in funding for $8.00 a pop.

Perhaps in hind site I should have subscribed for the annual fee of $14.

The magazine was full of great poetry and photography and if it's truly gone then I hate to see it go. If it is gone, consider this a eulogy from someone who was truly touched by the work and the editors who made this magazine such a masterpiece.
If it's not gone and I'm just missing something, please let me know!

The Bees Aren't Alright: Colony Collapse Disorder

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Afternoon tea is a luxury that I afford myself sometimes. I don't usually spring for expensive or imported kinds. I usually just pick up a box of Lipton that I can have with a spot of milk or herbal flavored tea with honey.

It's the herbal that I like best and I usually spend an obnoxious amount of time looking for different varieties, like the Orange Blossom kind I just bought or the Clover type with it's mild delicate fruity flavor that finishes with a little bit of spice.

But imagine my surprise when I read an article in the latest Food & Wine magazine that had a snippet on the yet to be explained "Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD)." CCD is described as a sudden abandonment of beehives by the worker bee population .

Apiculturists (Beekeepers) were not alarmed at the disappearance until it became widespread in 2006. According to Food & Wine, "CCD affected roughly one-third of U.S. beehives last year." Some of the proposed causes include environmental change-related stresses,malnutrition,pathogens,mites,and pesticides.

Think this doesn't effect you? Wait until you try to drown your sorrows in a pint of Haagen-Dazs and you can't get your favorite flavor! CCD has Haagen-Dazs up in arms as they claim bees are actually responsible for 40% of its 60 flavors - such as strawberry, toasted pecan and banana split.

As per, Kathy Pien, brand director of Haagen Dazs, "the company is donating $250,000 to both Pennsylvania State University and the University of California, Davis to fund research into CCD," and is also launching a new flavor this spring called Vanilla Honey Bee to raise consumer awareness of the disease. Haagen-Dazs plans to use part of the sales from the flavor to help the honeybees.

DIY Beekeeping is becoming possible even in unlikely places like New York. Go to abfnet.org for more info on how you can help save the bees.

As for me, I'm going to vow to get over my fear of the flying maker of all things sweet. I've never been stung by a bee and so I've always freaked out when they were near but I promise not to lay a newspaper near any bee who carelessly wanders into my living room.

New Poetry: Emergency

Sphere: Related Content I started reading out of a folder that has many of my creative"works in progress" and I put together a piece of poetry developed out of an old unfinished poem I wrote on a scrap of paper some years ago and a couple of different lines I wrote for writing exercises. Let me know what you think:

Emergency

In case of an emergency,
I scan people on the train car.
The beggar there; the screaming child,
may meet with me again some day.
I might need to know those faces.

Once, I heard that God cast extras
in the feature film we call Life.
They are the constants in your day,
out of focus, as you listen
to music, voiding your mind numb.

One day, it will all go quiet.
The mouths will gape open and sound
like scratched record vinyl jumping
back with a heavy pop, until
there is just crackling in the dark.

© 2008 Christina DeJesus

Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward are: She and Him

Sphere: Related Content OK so get this...back on March 18th, God came down from heaven and said "Zooey Dechanel and M.Ward will release their new album under the moniker "She and Him" and it will be the sweetest little album since the likes of 'Pet Sounds'.

No really it went something like this:

Matt Ward who goes by his stage name M.Ward was an unknown artist musician who no one really ever heard of and then he made it big yadda yadda. He went on to guest on albums with Jenny Lewis, Bright Eyes, My Morning Jacket, and Bruce Springstein.


Enter stage left, actress, Zooey Deschanel (‘Bridge To Terabithia’, ‘Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy’,'Elf'')
Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward meet when working on a movie soundtrack project in which they recorded a version of Richard and Linda Thompson’s “When I Get To The Border”and clicked as they realized how talented they were. While talking about their mutual love of old records, Zooey mentioned that she wrote her own songs, which she recorded alone at home on her computer. Zooey was weary at first but soon enough she gave in and sent her music to M. who was immediately impressed and used the recordings as a basis for 'Volume One".

When I saw the girl in Elf, I knew she had some serious pipes on her.

All in all, there are nine originals written by Zooey and two gorgeous cover versions. Track listing is as follows:
01. Sentimental Heart
02. Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?
03. This Is Not A Test
04. Change Is Hard
05. I Thought I Saw Your Face Today
06. Take It Back
07. I Was Made For You
08. You Really Got A Hold On Me
09. Black Hole
10. Got Me
11. I Should Have Known Better
12. Sweet Darlin’

Here's the cover still and track for "Thought I Saw Your Face Today"

Give me More Polyvore!

Sphere: Related Content For the last three hours, I have been glued to my computer chair, and although I had a whole to-do list of thins I wanted to get accomplished, I have been screwing around on the same website for all that time.


What's the website you implore? Polyvore.com

How I landed there I have no idea honestly. I can only tell you that it was through the process of clicking on one page only to click on another link on said page and so on and so on like Alice down the world wide wabbit hole.


What is Polyvore? I like to call it fashion porn. OK, so that's not very informative is it?

Here's what Polyvore's about us page says:

"Polyvore is a unique, easy-to-use web-based application for mixing and matching products from any online store. Items are pulled together into a visual set of products that can be shared with anyone. Each product within the set is then linked back to the online store where it is available for purchase."

Like I said. Fashion porn.



Right off the bat I can think of like a bazillion things this can be good for. Searches can be performed for specific items,color schemes,and brands not to mention that you can upload images from your own computer. Snooty artist types and 13 year old American idol fans alike will love creating their own masterpieces in collage form.


Into fashion? Polyvore. Label whore? Polyvore. Artistic? Polyvore. Rich and need help spending all that cash? Polyvore. Broke but have a dream? Polyvore. Broke but wanna buy a Fendi lookalike at Target? Polyvore!


Wow I so sound like that annoying guy that screams all of his infomercials for crap at three in the morning.


So I did do something productive! Check out my Bombshell goes to...series. Road-tested outfits for different occasions inspired by Laren Stover and the bombshells we love!


I give you...

Bombshell Goes to a Baby Shower

and

Bombshell Goes on a South Seas Cruise



Let me know what you think!